Gift Wrap

When was the last time you received a gift?  A gift, beautifully wrapped, selected by the giver especially for you?  Due to the birth of our daughter, I've been the recipient of many gifts over the last several months.  Each one was received with a grateful heart.  I opened each to see what this person had selected for our little one.  Each outfit and package of diapers, each picture frame and toy, was lovingly placed in the nursery, waiting to be used by this new little life.

Friends and family came to baby showers to celebrate and wait in anticipation.  Our faith family surrounded us with love as the day for delivery drew near. In January, I sat in my living room, listening to the melody of voices of women who love me and my little one, women who filled my home with their laughter and joy, hopes and prayers. I sat there, enjoying every second, feeling supremely loved.

Sometimes I don't have the same reaction when I receive gifts from someone else, though.  When the Giver bestows something that only He can, sometimes I wonder if I'm deserving.  I wonder if I'm adequate to receive it.  I wonder if it's a mistake and maybe it actually belongs to someone else, regardless that I can see His hand has written my name on the tag.  I hesitate to pull back the paper and see what it is that He has selected just for me. 

I don't have to ask why that is.  I know the answer already.  It is that I cannot fully comprehend the love He has for me, that unconditional, never-leave-me love that holds tight when I fight against it.  I have not allowed myself to really believe that the always-there love, with height, width, breadth and depth beyond what I can imagine, was made available for me, has been poured out over me.  For God so loved the world?  Absolutely.  For God so loved me?  That's harder to grasp.

This last week, I had two amazing opportunities present themselves.  And yet I sat wondering, "God, is this really You?  Can these really be for me?  If only I had confirmation, if only I knew for sure."  But very clearly, I heard His voice, in my own heart and through the people who love me the most say, "You've been praying for these things and I'm placing them in your lap.  Unwrap them."  I've been praying for these things?  Yes, I have.  For several years now, these are the very things I've poured out my heart to Him about, begged Him for, hoped that maybe, just maybe these special things were in His plan for me.  Did I not believe?  Did I think Jesus was a liar when He said, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer?" (Mt. 21:22)

Sometimes truth shows up when we least expect it.  I didn't expect for God to reveal the insecurity and unbelief in my heart on that Sunday morning, but I'm glad He did.  I'm glad He stepped into the scene and revealed Himself.  And in revealing Himself, He showed me another dimension of His love for me...that even in the midst of my unbelief, in the midst of my holding back and attempting to protect myself from disappointment, He never disappoints.  He never lets go.  He never holds back His more-than-enough love. He never holds back.